Wow. That's the first time anyone...

It is quite astounding the difference a year makes.

Last year around this time I was lying in bed. Unable to get up. Unable to do anything really because I was at the very bottom. My boyfriend came home from work each evening and sat on the end of our bed, on my feet...I liked the weight of him, it made me feel safe...He played Playstation while I slept, cried, read, cried, stared at the ceiling, unable to cry...I can't even begin to describe what I felt inside. I felt so, so heavy and exhausted. So completely depressed.

Forward to last night...

I was out with my father. He plays softball on Monday nights. I usually watch a bit of the game, go to the grocery store nearby and pick up a new magazine and fresh veggies... Last night I was watching the game and one of the players sauntered by, "Hi Smiley!" He said to me. TO ME! I didn't ever think I'd be referred to in such a way! I get "Hi Red" "Hi You" "Hi" but I have never heard "Hi Smiley"! I then realized that I was grinning quite widely as I took some photos and watched the game...

So if you think there is no hope. If you think that things will never change for you. If you think that you will never feel whole again. My advice to you is... Wait... Just wait. Be still. Be crazy. Be hysterical. Just 'be' until it changes because it will.

I hope that no one reading this is going through the type of problems I was last year (and on and off for the last 20 years) but if you are...I am sorry and I wish you healing and happiness.

xoxo