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How to Win Friends and Influence People...For Dummies!

Look at Me!
Tonight I am going to a cocktail party where dozens of successful women entrepreneurs will be gathering for introductions before the Female Entrepreneur of the Year Award ceremony tomorrow night. The black tie event I posted about earlier...
I've been obsessing...Way too much energy has gone into preparing myself for these two evenings...I have been neglecting chores to fret over attire, image, business cards, what to say...
I am racked with anxiety. I am just getting back on my feet after years of figuratively being unable to stand. I am very unsure of myself. How will I introduce myself? What shall I speak of? What and who am I?...I feel like I need a crash Kindergarten class in how to get along with others...
So I looked. And found this video...


I really like the ideas Alexis Bauer shares in this short "How to"...The funny thing is if I use this model, and all goes well, the ladies at the event will know I used it because CrowNology.blogspot.com is on my business card!
I am the person who is constantly thinking and imagining...I think of several scenario's when I enter a room. What would I do if...Or if...I think Bauer's points are relevant to me, if I can overcome my first impulse of fear...
Luckily I am honestly interested in other people, especially women. I love hearing HER-Story.
And just today I unknowingly practiced speaking about something I found interesting...I was waiting to return a dress (or 4...for this event! :) and picked up a bag of organic "ginger" candy. I was thinking of the word organic and how it will trick us into buying nasty things...The candies had NO ginger...So I told the woman next to me...I just had to share that info. We discussed it.
Yay. Practice.
I pretend that I am confident. A lot. It works. Many people are shocked to hear that I have problems in crowds and with speaking to others. I once heard that you "Fake it until you Make it". I guess practice makes perfect. I've been mistaken as a snob, a misfit or as unintelligent because of my introvert tendencies.
I wish to be confident. To believe...In me. In my worth. In the worth of my work...
Tell me, do you ever fake being comfortable and end up that way?...Are you good in crowds? Or do you prefer the behind the scenes work? How do you introduce yourself at these types of events? I'd like to hear your story...

"Wow, what a nice venue we have here, great lighting..." ;)
xo

Now if only the dress code was jeans, plaid shirts and boots...
I am being true to my style though...I will share photos soon...

14 comments:

Line said...

I'm sure you will do great, enjoy and be yourself!!

Julia Christie said...

Everyone goes through this I think. Being genuinely interested in other people helps and I hope it will help to know that people like me, who just 'met' you, find you to be an amazing woman, extremely talented, and very interesting and dynamic. Anyone who says different hasn't taken the time to get to know you!

Just be your lovely self and try to remember, they all pull their pantyhose on the same way you do!

Smiles and good luck!

inna said...

good, good luck! you'll do great:)

I wasn't before really confident and was nervous all the time when meeting new people etc., but last years I practised a lot and it became a lot easier. I still never know what to talk -that's my problem- but I guess that will get easier too, little by little.

just smile and be yourself! I got that advice once and had tried to follow it ever since. I have noticed that a smile does make everything easier - and even though it'd be fake smile in the beginning, it may become a real one soon:)

kerin rose said...

yes, ask them questions about THEMSELVES.....makes you the best listener in the room! :)..

you are:
a blogger
a photographer
a poet
a philosopher
a friend

there...5 things to talk about!

Angie Muresan said...

Just be yourself. You have a winning personality, let them all see it.

Ocean Girl said...

Learn to tell the story that you work as a paper clip maker and how it is not easy to bend and twist to get that perfect paper clip.

MrsLittleJeans said...

I don't think you are going to have a problem, be you and be true.
I don't care for crowds and the image of groups of people standing around is weird to me, reminds me of urangutans for some reason. Nonetheless we are gregarious beings and we socialize in groups. The recommended approach does not work for me because it lacks sincerity.'=
I attended a workshop were emphasis was on genuineness, search in others what you may see as a reflection of divine attribute and show genuine interest. It does take practice because for the most part we are self-absorbed.

The other part is what my mom told me, what do you care what others think of you, and I really do feel that way now. I now come to find out that even Feynman's wife used to say the same thing to him, imagine him, Feynman, a nobellaureate physicist.

My advice, for whatever it is worth, you are awesome, genuine, caring, sensitive, talented, superfun, beautiful in and out. Relax, let people discover you, genuinely smile from inside your heart.

xoxoxo

Victoria Bennett Beyer said...

ps - can't wait to see what you decided to wear!

Victoria Bennett Beyer said...

I think sometimes people think I'm a snob, too, because I am a bit introverted when I meet people in crowds. But you've been so brave, asking complete strangers if you can take their photo (I don't think I could ever do that.) I suspect when you get there it will all come a bit more naturally than you expect.

I still don't know how to tell people what I do... no one seems to get it that I DON'T do portraits...I think they all wonder what else I could possibly be taking pictures of :) But I have noticed over the past few years that when you take yourself seriously and think of yourself as an artist, or a professional, others believe it, too. You just have to believe it first.

CrowNology said...

Thank you so much Everyone!
I am doing my nails now...I haven't put the stuff on my fingers in years...
xo

shellbell said...

i hear ya sister.

i guess i've got the fake it 'til you make it thing down because whenavear i go to a party or other kind of fancy do, people always tell me i rocked the room. but all i can think about is the stupid thing i said to so-and-so. and i get really nervous beforehand as well, with worry that no one will like me, i'll totally offend someone, or i'll be wearing the wrong thing.
somehow, it always works out. i guess i should give myself some credit.
but it certainly doesn't come naturally. as an introvert, i really have to work at it. and it is exhausting, but it helps to remember past successes, relevant or not. just things that make me feel good about myself.

i have a feeling you will do fantastic! you're so plugged in.

i'll be thinking of you! can't wait to hear how it goes :)

Ida Nielsen said...

I've often been seen as very reserved too and I'm terrible at mingling! Can't stand it :-/ Oddly enough I've no problem in holding a speech in front of a lot of people, probably because I've practiced and know what I'm going to say!
GOOD LUCK tonight! I'm sure you'll be brilliant :-D

Ange said...

I'm with Angie - of course you're great so just be natural.
Even if one of these other fabulous ladies does see this post due to being swept off their feet by your fabulous personality and rushing in to read your blog - they will surely be relieved to know that they are not the only one feeling nervous and will leave your blog feeling reassured.

I think we all like to know we're working with a real person...
Dying to hear about how it went
xxx

blue hour designs said...

Funny....this is so relevant to me right now. I spent four years locked away having and nurturing my babies that when I started getting back into the world, in terms of business, I have felt like I have sea legs. I was just telling Norbert that I no longer feel comfortable around new people.....but, I do the same thing. I breathe, chit-chat and then all of a sudden I realize that I've been confidently (seemingly anyway ;) intermingling with people. I doubt they ever knew my inner introverted discomfort!!

I think it is incredibly natural to be this way though....just the fact that you are putting yourself out there is tremendous. Who is it that says we only grow in situations where we are forced to stretch out of our comfort zones??

You should have seen me in the beginning of my business!! When people would ask me about my jewelry I was such a bumbling fool! Ha!! ;)